Defensive Mechanism's a Bitch

Have you ever been in situation where you feel that everything is caving in and there is nowhere else to go? A lose-lose situation that no matter what you fucking say, you know that you’re on the wrong end of an argument. C’mon, I’m sure everyone has been in these types of situations. The only difference is how we react to them. And how some people react annoys the hell out of me.

So here is my top three most annoying defensive tactics that people use just to not “lose” the conversation/argument.

Disclaimer: These are all gathered from MY own experience through the years of conversing with numerous kinds of people. This has no intent whatsoever to personally attack any real life person, past or present. If you get hit by a stray bullet then tough luck motherfucker, you annoy the shit out of me. This is just me writing shit about shit. Don’t take this personally, because I even don’t. So piss off…

The Cry Game
Usually the weapon of choice by the ladies, but I’ve heard stories that guys use the same lame tactic. Pathetic but true.

How it’s used:
This usually comes after a moment of silence. If arguing on the phone, there will be a hint, either a weird sigh or a sniff. If face to face, he/she would usually turn his/her back, again with a weird-ass sigh.

Now tears come flowing and by now, you can’t fucking figure out what the hell he/she is talking about. All you hear are murmurs and mumbles. Now you’re confused.

How it works:
Dazed and confused you now find yourself in an uncompromising situation. Damn, your girl/man is freaking crying! Now how the fuck can you stay pissed? Now you just feel sorry…and probably a little guilty as well.

Now you try to console and make him/her stop.

Then you hear the words “ikaw kasi eh..” which translates to “you did this…”

So now what? Now you succumb…now you fucking lose!

Now I don’t know if grown ass men and/or women still use this very tactic. As far as I’m concerned, this was evident maybe until around college. It annoyed the fuck out of me I’ll tell you that much. But I sure do hope that no one beyond 21 years old is still using this. It’s not only annoying, it’s also very pathetic.

Sarcasm + Submissiveness
Now this one is utilized mostly by dudes. I mean c’mon, isn’t this the most fun? I’m not saying that I use this…often, so I’ll just say that there were some rare occasions that I was obliged to employ this fun yet annoying tactic.

How it’s used:
On a now heated argument, Sgt. Sarcasm with a sudden outburst utters the words, “okay fine! I’ll just shut up because obviously you already know EVERYTHING!”

Or when the other party says, “Are you EVEN listening to me?!”
Reply with, “No, yeah, what? Sorry…I was too busy making sense of all this.”

And my favorite, sarcasm replied too with sarcasm.

“Yeah, that’s REAL mature of you.”
“Oh sorry about that grandma/pa…”

Oh and this one came from a sarcastic friend of mine: Argument between two jocks…

“Dude, what’s the number multiplied by zero? Yeah, that’s the same number of fucks I’d give to whatever the hell you’re saying.”

How it works:
Okay, this technique doe not really aim to win, rather just to poke fun and annoy. Or maybe even just to make matters worse, so to speak. To make the other party so ass-pissed is obviously more fun than you, yourself being ass-pissed right?

And yes, I’ve been on the butt of some clever sarcastic replies. Sometimes it just hits the right spots and I just quit the damn conversation. That is if I don’t think of another sarcastic counterpunch…wink wink. Oh that was so gay…

Anger + Intimidation
So this by far tops the most annoying defensive tactic that anyone can ever use. Usually used by guys, and yet it is gaining popularity amongst women as well. Hot-headed and short-tempered motherfuckers who think they can swing an argument by means of intimidation and/or anger-guilt trip.

How it’s used:
Armed with the eagerness to win every conversational battle, ill-tempered asswipes, as a last resort to save any ounce of pride left, proceeds with angry remarks. Usually accompanied by loud-ass voices and sometimes with guys punching a near by wall and/or table. It may also come with some threats that we all know he/she has no means to pull off…but hey, it’s still a possibility so it lingers at the back of our heads amidst the rampaging hormonic outrage.

How it works:
As tempers flare and faces grow red, the conversation is now inclining to become hostile. By this time we’re left to decide to either join in the testosterone-fueled argument or just be a meek lamb and submit to the rage. One side tells us that if engage the battle, it’ll just continue on for years to come (well not really, maybe just a few hours or so…). On the other hand, if we succumb, war ends but since it worked…he/she will highly use this technique again. Either way it’s not only annoying…it proves that logic is completely thrown out of the window once the fire of anger is set ablaze.

Oh bullies, probably the most annoying fuckers next to groin itch.

All these shit just to turn failure into success. It’s like blaming others for your unfortunate stupidity. Why can’t people just accept harsh realities in life? Why is there always a need to save face even if your face is already filled with horse manure? If the situation is already an obvious fail, just fucking accept it dumbass! Let’s not waste each others time and effort in trying to get your point in. Hey bud, by this time we both know your point is like a toupee made of grass. If you did not get that then I’m sorry, you dumb motherfucker.

Who is to blame for my strain of bad luck...?

Yes, so far this year has been like construction workers wearing skirts and a tank top. Yes. Wtf right? Well it has been that sort of year for me...at least so far. Shit!

Before this glorious year even started, the optimistic side of me said that 2009 would be my year. It'll be a big year for me. Well little did I know that it'll be my year of frustrations and a shit load of problems. I once believed that things will happen as long as you believe that it'll happen. Believe in it all your heart and it'll materialize. Well fuck that bullshit! That ain't true at all fuckin bastard!

Okay, going to the summary of my shitty year, it all started if I'm not mistaken around the month of love. Fuckin love month! Well just to tell you guys, I won' t get into details of my fucked up ordeals, just a brief preview so to speak. So first to go down the freakin drain was my lovelife...or the lack of. Well I decided to go in for the kill, in a way, after years of just being a dude she knows. Finally mustered up the courage and guts to. And thinking that it'll be a good year for me, why the hell not right? I was dead fuckin wrong! It just did not go according to plan. Schedules were so different, it's like finding candy inside your nostril...I mean that ain't right. And when our schedules did meet up, she ended up "not going out at all." Riiiiiight. Why don't you just crap on my head, at least that I can wash off...with a lot of shampoo of course.

So there went my so called lovelife. Of course there's a lot more into that, a lot of emotional investment, but I'd rather keep that bottled up inside me until I explode into tiny people who does not know the meaning of love. Hahahaha...fuck that!

So after that dance with hell woman, I then decided to fuck up my health. Well, it's not really a decision...it's more like those if "I were more careful before then this wouldn't happen" sort of stuff. I'm sick...well it's not really those types of sickness that one would normally think of. To me it more of a nuisance than anything else. But people around me is saying that I should have it checked out. It could be serious of course but what I don't like about it is the hassle that it will bring. Well of course I did have it looked at by a doctor eventually. And you know what? They couldn't find out what's causing the fucker! Until now no one has come up with a reason for this shit. Now its just tiring. Fuckin unknown cause of sickness...fuck you.

Things seem that it could not get any worse...and I was, of course, dead fuckin wrong yet again! First my "lovelife", then health, now it's my employment. Hot fuckin damn! Damn worldwide economic crisis!

Unemployment is a bitch...a fat nagging smelly bitch. I don't like lounging around doing nothing 24/7! I'm a workaholic, at least some people say. And I guess that's true 'coz I'm sick of this nothingness. That's why I'm reduced into writing blogs that people don't read. Pathetic little bitch I've become. No offense to the other writers out there in the blog-writing world. It's not you, it's me. Hehehe.

So now I've fallen off the horse, got crapped on by that horse, stepped on the nuts, and now that "horse of life" is kicking dirt at my face. Yes now the little things decided to join the fucked up party. The car is breaking down every something days. And mind you, they're not simple matters plus the fact that I don't have any income now is pretty shitty to me. And the other day my cellphone just decided to stop functioning. Now I'm using an old phone that only lasts a day in between charges if I'm not using it that much...one call, it's dead a couple of hours after. And it doesn't have signal inside the house. Now that's real convenient when a job opportunity finally calls me up. Damn fuckin retarded phone! Fuck!

Inhale...
Exhale...

Okay, so who's to blame for this horse shit filled hole that I am in? Well it's more of a what...I blame those chain emails everyone has been sending me for the past 2 years! Yes, that's right! Those retards who invented those damn emails should be the ones stuck in this chin-deep shit hole. I mean why do that? Why create a fucked up chain email in the first place? To spread the shit? To bring a shit load of tragedy to random people who thought that this will be their year? Selfish fuckin retards!!

As you may have guessed, I did ignore the perils of those damn chain emails. I just deleted it after reading a line or two. To me it was bullshit...a load of crap...cow dung passed around like it was nothing...of course I was, yet again, so dead fuckin wrong! All that manure came crashing down on me. And that my friends, is FUCKED UP.

Now my plea to anyone who is reading this blog...if there is anyone...please help me fix this. Any witches or wizard out there? Any voodoo tricks that you may know of? I'm really out of options here. And I need to get my life back in order. So please if you guys have any smart or even stupid suggestions, let me know. Write a comment or even email me. I'd really need a helping retard.

My email: mister.negativity@yahoo.com.ph

*NOTE: If you're thinking of sending me those damn chain emails...just be a kind retard and attach email addresses to I won't have a hard time figuring out who to send it out to...because if not, I assure you, you will have the same amount of bad fuckin luck! By the power of greyskull...fuckin retards.